I received this in the e-mail. It is a bit old, but still very good.

Dear Senators Snow and Collins,

As a citizen of Iowa and excellent customer of
the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask
for your assistance. I have contacted the Department
of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they
referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my
status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from
the bill, which was recently passed by the Senate.
If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the
United States for five years, all I need to do to
become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income
taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the
process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here
legally have had to pay taxes every year — so I’m
excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there
any way that I can apply to be illegal
retroactively? This would yield an excellent result
for my family and me because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could
begin using the local emergency room as my primary
health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another
benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment
relative to her law school applications, as well as
“in-state” tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would
relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s
license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I
still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the
process to become illegal (retroactively if
possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Joe Martin
(Soon to be Jose Martinez)