Some of these are very funny - enjoy!

“In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can’t find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn’t find the fattest intern under the desk.”
-Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn’t take women. She said she wanted to go in to medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she’s basically saying she wants to be president because she can’t do anything else.”
-Jay Leno

“Well, the big story — Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she’s running? I think she finally wants to see what it’s like to sleep in the president’s bed.”
-Jay Leno

“Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don’t like the idea, while others hate it.”
-Conan O’Brien

“Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton…when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.”
-Jay Leno

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He’s a law student, so he probably doesn’t need it, but still, that’s not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, ‘Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine.”
-Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton’s former business partners can vote for her in 2008.”
-Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton’s 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.”
- Craig Kilborn

“In Hillary Clinton’s new book ‘Living History,’ Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate , wonderful life as husband and wife…Then on page two, the trouble starts.”
- Jay Leno

“In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said “I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air….No, wait, I’m sorry, that’s what Monica said.”
- David Letterman

“Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same.”
- Jay Leno

“Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.”
- Craig Kilborn

“CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.”
- Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible - the one with only seven commandments.”
-David Letterman

Yeah, it was photoshoped, but it is still funny as heck.

H/T to IMAO via Malkin.

Also: Big Mouth Frog

This is something off my normal posting tack, bu is quite impressive. This video is of a woman doing 21 different accents, and doing them all very well.

First cartoons, then movies, and now trespassing — It is just not a good time to be a Danish reporter.

This from the USA Today:

Terkel Svensson, a writer for the Danish News Agency, could not get wireless Internet access at the schoolhouse to file a story. But Svensson could get his cell phone working so he called his editor in Copenhagen and started wandering across a quiet country road as he chatted away.

… What Svensson didn’t realize was that he had stopped walking a couple hundred feet away, on the front lawn of an elderly woman. An elderly woman who looked through her window and didn’t like that a strange man was standing outside her house. An elderly woman who had, um, a gun.

Well this is Texas after all - we all have guns. And if you think that is just a trite expression, you would be mistaken. Here is a picture from a Danish website, Avisen.dk:

A couple of recent Michael Ramerez political cartoons for your viewing pleasure.

Some more levity on a Monday. I got this in an e-mail chain, so hats off to whoever created them.

This was too good not to share. A little sarcasm in the morning makes the day go smoother.

Hat Tip to Lone Ranger and Dustin’s Gun Blog

Gun Control - Simple Solutions for Simple Minds
Ten Really Good Reasons To Ban Guns - a satire by Bruce Gold

1.) Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a “non-event,” which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime’s completion.

2.) Some .004 % (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned.

3.) Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don’t need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

4.) Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D.C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal’s cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Guns should be banned everywhere.

5.) Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

7.) Gun owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

8.) Gun owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. It should be kept out of the hands of citizens.

9.) Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected. Not to mention the lost sales of all the violent movies, TV shows, video games, etc!

10.) Guns reduce people’s reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in “rights”. No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.

I got this in e-mail the other day, and it was quite a laugh so I thought I would share it.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Texas Conservative?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

Q: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican’s Answer:
BANG!

Texas Conservative’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !

Click….. (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!
Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’
Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!

David Schmader put together the following poster, and it is just too good not to share.

I wonder if Ann Coulter knows she was pegged as a Clinton Supporter?

Also Reporting:
OTB

Pick you favorite caption!

1. “Why did I marry her? Why didn’t I just put a loaded gun in my mouth?
Why God, Why?”

2. “Holy crap, look at that butt. Somewhere, a semi-truck is missing its
‘Oversized Load’ sign.

3. “Somewhere, there’s two fat girls naked in a hot tub and I’m stuck here
listening to her jabber on about health care.

4. “Sheesh, Rush is soo right - She does sound like Nurse Ratchett!”

5. “Does that woman never shut up?”

6. “Wow!! I could’a had a V8!!”